We have experienced our first real death in the family and our first real grieving today. After a rushed overnight trip to Christchurch we arrived home to find that our beloved Golda (our goldfish) had died.
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| A photo that Jasmine took of Golda at the beginning of the year. |
I never actually thought that a fish dying would impact us the way it has today. Then again it was the first time that Jasmine has really experience death of something that was with her everyday, that she cared for and loved. My heart went out to her as she cried for her loss and then watching her deal with it. She cried for a long time snuggled into me, her spirits seem to lift and then she suddenly asked to hold Golda. I'm not sure if she thought Golda could be revived but after a futile effort of trying to get her to stay upright the tears came again as reality hit hard. More hugs and cuddles till she decided that she wanted bury Golda in her little fish bowl and plant some seeds over top. This we did bleary eyed, taking care to protect Golda from any insects or dirt, and then Jasmine decorated the bowl with a box of tissues near by. This felt like her farewell as Jasmine asked to hot glue the stones on herself and was determined to get it completed without help.
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| Jasmine's decorated plant pot |
I don't think I have ever dealt with death as well or as healthily as our wee girl did today - I'm a born emotional bottle and shove everything away as quickly as possible. Daniel I can see is similar to me, or maybe it is his age and not really understanding the finality of death. I remember that when Jasmine was 4, two of Golda's acquaintances (acquired with the free tank we got for Golda) went off to fishy forever land and it was dealt with all so matter of fact. Two years later the difference is marked, maybe it is two years of growth in emotions or maybe just two years more bonding with another living thing.
Interestingly enough I had just read about how important adaption caused by feelings of futility is. "...when we have lost a loved one, ........it is not enough that we know they are absent.... We must come to terms with this emotionally, through waves and waves of felt futility. Only when the futility sinks in and we apprehend on the deepest emotional level the impossibility of preserving physical and emotional contact with someone forever gone from our lives do the tears come and adaption begins. " Pg 135 Neufeld and Mate. I think that our wee girl has certainly surfed many waves today, with more to come I'm sure, and I am left in admiration of the ride she shared with me today.
Arohanui
Y
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